You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
