my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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