It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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