My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
