How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
