We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
