Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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