she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
