i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
