I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
