Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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