A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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