hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
