Christians are straight up FREAKS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
