well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
