He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
