Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
