the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
