Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
