You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
