Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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