thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
