remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
