"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
