I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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