You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I cockslap morals
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
