Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
