He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
