Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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