how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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