And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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