How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
