some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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