Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
