My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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