that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
