i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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