I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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