but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
