Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
