a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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