he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
