So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
