Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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