ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
