I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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