I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
