Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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