Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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