Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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