I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
