Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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