i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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