My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
