His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
