Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
